How to deal with Mean Friends

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." - Buddha

In life, we encounter good and bad people when we are young as friends in schools and outside and as grown-ups at work or in our social groups. Therefore, knowing how to deal with mean friends is very important. In doing so as early as possible, we can avoid adversely impacting our self-esteems and confidence.

Here are a few ways we can prepare how to deal with mean friends:

Demonstrate Positivity and Integrity

You have the control to influence people around you in a positive manner, however you do not have control of other peoples’ behaviour towards you. In such situations, it is always best to look at yourself first and analyse whether you have acted or behaved in a manner that has triggered this reaction from your friends. If you have, it is best to go to your friends and apologise.

Express your Feelings

It is always good to let your friend know that their behaviour or actions is hurting you and that you have always had so much fun together. Find out if there is anything that is causing them to behave in this negative manner now. This will give them a chance to express their point and to you to explain and apologise, if required. Any misunderstandings can be cleared up.

Give them a Chance

Sometimes people get influenced by external factors that cause them to behave differently. This could be some problems they are facing in their personal lives. Sometimes through their mean streaks, they are letting out their frustrations and stress. Once they have done that, they might slowly realise and apologise for their mean behaviour. If it still doesn’t work, it is better to stay away from the friend and find others to engage with.

Jealousy as a Cause

Another cause for the mean behaviour from friends could be a feeling of jealousy in your achievements or accolades. This causes them to feel inferior and the mean behaviour is to get even with your child. In such cases, explain to your child that in different phases of life, people associate themselves with different people as their interests and priorities change.

Never Reciprocate with Meanness

Whatever be the cause of the mean behaviour from your friends, always keep your calm and never reciprocate with meanness. This will have 2 effects – it will make them realise that their mean behaviour didn’t affect your child and your child’s strong positive character that they will lose if your child walked away. If they are not with you through good times and bad and you have to face up to their swings in the way they treat you, they are not your true friends. It is not easy as you are so emotionally invested. But accept this and move on.

Offer to Discuss rather than Confront

If the mean behaviour escalates to confrontations, be calm and politely ask your friends if they are okay because you haven’t seen them behave like this before. Let your friends know that you are fine to discuss and resolve issues in a civil manner. However if they choose to carry on, you have too much of self-respect to be sitting down and listening to their immature behaviour. If it continues, ignore them and walk away.

Share Your Feelings

Be nice to yourself and think about the positive attributes you possess. Your family can be your strong support. Talk to them. Don’t self-isolate and internalise your negative experience. Share it with someone close to you as that will help you preserve your self-esteem and relieve your stress.

Minimise Interactions and Keep Your Guards Up

There are often situations where there is no option of shutting down your relationship and moving on. This could happen within your family or in the professional environment where you are required to work together. In such situations, it is important to remain calm and keep your interactions polite, short and to the point. Also, keep your guards up and keep evidences of your interactions as there is a possibility that they kind of people can get you into trouble if an opportunity arose.

The key point in understanding how to deal with mean friends is to know that you have more people who love and care for you than you think. Therefore, is is sometimes better to walk away from these mean people who can damage your self-esteem and confidence.

You can find some useful tips from the Raising Children Network (Australia) and Bullying No Way (Australia)

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